7 stages of grief (and how understanding them helps)
by Joe · 40 things on NewTwos
- Shock
- Feelings of shock are unavoidable in nearly every grieving situation, even if we feel we have had time to prepare.
- People in shock often appear to be behaving normally without a lot of emotion, because the news hasn’t fully sunk in yet.
- “Often there is a sense of numbness and a self-protective detachment from your feelings, because they are too intense to deal with”
- Denial
- Many people experience denial after a bereavement: they know something has happened but it doesn’t feel real.
- In addition to experiences of shock and denial, people often describe having a ‘mental fog’
- This can include forgetfulness, lack of concentration, sleeplessness, lack of motivation, repetitive thoughts and inability to make a decision.
- Anger
- It’s perfectly normal to feel anger in times of loss, but often people try to keep this stage of grief hidden.
- It’s important to find someone with whom we can connect in an honest way.
- Bargaining
- The bargaining stage is about making promises to yourself or a higher being, asking the universe for a chance to put things right.
- A bereaved person may seek reason where there is none, and may feel guilty about how they behaved, or feel in some way to blame.
- But it is important to know this is part of the process and not anyone's fault.
- Depression
- The jumble of emotions that usually accompanies the grieving process can typically lead to feelings of depression, isolation, anxiety and a feeling of dread.
- Someone may question the meaning of life, or feel they want to be reunited with the person that’s died. In cases like this, it’s so important to ask for help.
- People are often unsure of how to help us in our grief, so if you can accept an offer of help or ask for help, it will have the effect of strengthening those friendships.
- Acceptance and hope
- Humans, by nature, crave contact, connection and support, and at some stage in the grieving process will want to engage with friends and family again.
- Acceptance is about realising you can’t change the circumstances, but that you can gain some control over how you respond.
- “At times, we may need to distract ourselves from the grief, or place it to one side, so we can get on with work or social situations,” says Nathan.
- But this is also a stage where you might slip backwards and find yourself feeling overwhelmed from all the emotions again. It’s normal to move between any of the stages of grief from hour to hour, or even minute to minute.
- Processing grief
- There is no right or wrong way to grieve – the process is highly individual.
- In addition, there’s no quick fix; the healing process takes time.
- Importantly, there is no “normal” timeframe, so be patient with yourself.
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- Along with understanding the 7-stages above, the following coping strategies may be helpful....
- Express your grief in words or another creative outlet, such as painting or drawing.
- Connect with others – this can be loved ones or community support groups.
- Ask for help, in whatever form.
- Practise deep breathing regularly.
- Set small, realistic goals.
- Ensure you’re getting enough sleep and aim for some form of movement each day.
- Eat a healthy, balanced diet and keep hydrated.
- Rehearse how you respond to questions and new situations.
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