Posts tagged poem

I lost my soul mate with my lack of ambition. She’s married now with a kid. I can’t break up another marriage.

I can’t feel you thinking about me any more, even though you must.

I still think about you.

The end to my loneliness is a phone call away
A simple call, an easy one
You would take me back and I’d want you too

This isn’t a time I can take what I want

It wouldn’t be fair to either of us
I want you, I need you today and tomorrow
The next day, is not something I’m sure about

We can’t take this one day at a time anymore

This is bigger than twenty-four hour chunks
I know you’d give me the rest of your life
I want that, but it’s not mine to take

What am I saying?

I don’t really know
We’re both confused
Too confused for a commitment

We can’t rush into forever

Forever, is just a moment
A moment I thought that would be with you
It might still be

I just can’t know that now

I know, you’re days are more over than mine
I’m not asking you to wait
Please live as happy as you can be

If we don’t find our way back to each other I would be surprised

But if we don’t
Know I will always have you like I said in that letter
You will always have me

I am you and you are me, we evened each other out and will never be the same again

I know when your shifts are
You make sure I do
My drinks are almost always free

Small talk and look down smiles
Band recommendations with loaned out books
I love the notes you write in the margins

We’re both more dressed up today
I come around closing time
You take off your apron, bringing it with you

It’s all you wear in the morning

The photo I should have taken mocks me in my rear-view mirror
Like decisions I should of made, but put off
For when the moment was more right, when I was more ready
This is why I never grow

I miss how the boys used to look at me
The slightly older gay boys
The free cups of coffee my looks got me
The free coffee that my girlfriend got because she was with me

I miss the threats to get me drunk and suck me off
The tilted heads and sideway smiles
It made me feel pretty
It gave me the power girls had over me

I miss that feeling
It let me be a girl without the heels
I’m more of a man now
Only girls have put notches in my belt

Still, I miss the pretty gay boys’ stares.

Pretty girl who doesn’t know how to walk in heels
Why are you trying so hard?
Those shoes won’t make you beautiful

Then again nothing could make me see you as beautiful
It’s not your unnatural gate or the awkward percussion of your steps

I’m in love with someone truly beautiful

Please stop walking by trying to turn my head
It’s shameful

You’re a dirty whore that should be smacked in the mouth
Let me be the one that hurts you
You know I do it well
I’ve choked you till you kissed me back
Slapped you until you had that look of submission on your face

Then you started thinking about him
The normal guy in your life
He can’t control you, even if you asked him to try
Tell me again you’re a whore
Do it, you filthy slut

This has to stop?
Why? Because you feel guilty for what you are
You can lie, but you can’t live without this
It’s your kink
And you want to do what I say

I take her hand
Slide off her ring
Put it in a drawer

Take her like I did before promises made
She should have never not been mine

I love you from the top of my heart since the bottom is broken
The last girl fell right through the bottom
Maybe you could help me fix it

You seem like a girl who knows how to use the right tools
They’re all in the kitchen
I don’t expect that to be where you live
But some cookies would be good

She takes a drag off his cigarette
Burning the taste of sex from her mouth
The stale taste of flesh and sweat

He smiles at her knowingly
He doesn’t know shit
Probably never has heard a woman cum

He probably has a signature move and a name for his junk
She hates herself a little more, but is better than him
That is why she does it

I’m sorry to all the teachers that had faith in me
Sorry to all my friends too
I’m getting on the right track now but at twenty-four it seems a little too late sometimes
I shouldn’t have followed so many girls around
Should have made my own path in this life

I was smarter back then and a little older too
Unwilling to take shit from anyone
Anyone other than girls I knew would be wife
I miss them all and wonder what could of been even though I’m truly happy right now

I swear I was smarter then too
I’ve let raw talent go to waste and stagnate into mediocracy
Should have read more books and written a few myself by now
Or at least have a job and a place of my own

I feel like your coming down here to make my future for me
I’m so thankful for that I just wished I could have done it without you
Have a place for you to fit into flawlessly
This will be hard because I’m still a child sometimes

I promise to do the best I can to be with you forever
Always have medications in my system to hide the flaws that nature gave me
Keep you up at night until you’re not upset
This will be something perfect between us

I broke the seal on a piss
And found a clear mind without meditation
Fuck Buddhism

I wish I could go to sleep smelling like someone else’s cum
To know I did something right
To know I put one more smile, one more groan of pleasure into the universe
There doesn’t need to be anymore thanks than that

Just to know I’ve been of use
Did what I was put here for
My only discernible skill
God given talent to sin

It’s safe to call me human
It’s safe to call me afraid
It’s safe to say I’m a coward
I know that I’m not brave

I wait for my morning throughout the afternoon
For her to wake up and be the best part of my day

Lazy girl