Started: Friday; August 3, 2007
First Draft Submitted: Sunday; August 5, 2007 at 4:35 AM 
Finial Draft Submitted: Monday; August 13, 2007 5:09 AM 
Word Count: 369
Title: Rocking in the Bedroom

R&B has for a long time been considered the best music for, a lack of a swear word or a better euphemism, chilling in the cut. Now I love  R&B music, but like many people I’m just not that smooth in the sack. I’m more of a kiss-and-massage-every-inch-of-her-body-but-sometimes-fall-off-the-bed-while-doing-it type of guy. So my unique love making  style doesn’t mesh with the styles of Luther Vandross or Ginuwine. So what can a scrawny white boy blogger can do?

Why not just leave the music out of it?

Answer: Anyone who has watched Gonzo Pornography knows that without music you just hear too much breathing.

Well just put your iPod on and hit shuffle.

Rebuttal: You try putting the naughty on your girl and then both of you, in unison, belting out Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody or pausing to listen to a bit from Mitch Hedberg.

Why not just make a playlist?

To quote my lover: “What is it with you and Bob Dylan?”

Why not let her make the playlist?

To quote me: “Really? Nickelback? Does Chad Kroeger turn you on that much? Because looking the trashy part might take awhile but I can stop bathing right now.”

So we decided to try artist.

I suggested Kate Walsh’s album, Tim’s House. An album I love and always gets me in the mood for that soft and tender sex. But after me and my girl made a list of celebrities we would have sex with; Kate is no longer allowed in the bedroom. As much as I hate to see her and Yellow Thunder Woman of The Bastard Fairies go they went with that god awful Chad Kroeger. Then by word of podcast, I learned about a band called Air. The French band, that according to Wikipedia, falls under the genre electronica, downtempo, and pop. In short they sound like porno-music from the future or music you could use in any movie montage about how being high feels. The track that proves me right: Playground Love on the soundtrack they did for The Virgin Suicides. 

So put on some Air, Take a deep breath and think about baseball, The Red Sox, or if she’ll let you put it in her dugout.