His breath was layers of coffee and mint and it reminded her of winter nights alone. Tonight she wouldn’t be alone, she had him. She had Dave. She hadn’t done this a lot, but she had done it enough to find the ones that would stay the night. Something about them staying the night made it okay to her. Made it feel like more than random, mostly anonymous sex. It was the cuddling after that made it okay, that made it feel tender. There wouldn’t be any real tenderness; she has only felt real tenderness once since her divorce three years ago. It was on one of only seven proper dates she’d been on since. Out of those seven, five led to sex, three to her orgasm and only one of those made her feel beautiful. His name was Robert and he was tender with her. His hands moved slowly, his mouth always slightly open waiting for the right moment to grab her skin and his eyes looked at her body like it was beautiful. She didn’t think she was. A cute face, maybe, but her body was curvy and she took herself as fat. A few years of being called that by your husband will do that to you. It will make you believe you’re worthless and ugly. She should have left him for that, but in the end he was the one to leave her which only made the lies truer.

She was beautiful, not in any traditional or mainstream way, but evolution wasn’t wrong in making most men look at her more than once. The ones who didn’t wouldn’t have their genes passed on for much longer. She was a great girl too, but she needed saving, something most men her age were tired of doing. She was in her early thirties. She wondered when she would think of herself as a woman and not as a girl. She thought about this during sex, but only when her back was turned to Dave. It was the polite thing to do.

Sara lay in bed, unspent, thinking about Robert. What had she done wrong with that one? She wanted to be held, but asked Dave to leave. She knew she hurt Dave, and wish she could say it was her and not him, but he is the one that let her mind wander. She became depressed anytime she thought about Robert. That date with Robert was easy. He stayed the night and most of the morning. She made coffee for him and he drank it slow. It was nothing to savor, but the company was. He called her the day after and tried to make plans, but she was working. She should have taken the day off sick to be with him. That must have been the decision that ruined everything. Sara didn’t remember the phone calls between them, the calls to set up dates after that, dates that were always canceled. She just remembers the time he begged to see her and she said no. In her memory of him worn by two years, his schedule was clear and it was her fault for not making time. In reality he was as busy as she was. Robert still thought about her too. He had kept her number, like she had kept his; they both just stopped using them.

Robert would go through periods where he would look at Sara’s number in his phone and think about calling. It had been too long now. It would be creepy if he called. Even though he thought about ways to make it seem like a causal accident. He couldn’t do it. He remembered it as his fault. He came on too strong after a great night. He should have waited longer to call her and he shouldn’t have canceled the dates he did get with her. He was so damn busy back then. It had been a long two years and it had turned his dark hair a little lighter around the temples. His job was managing a group of banks and hers was managing HR at an office that took up four floors of an office building. Neither of them were driven by their careers, they both believed in doing a job right every time, then asking for more. Unlike her he’d never been married. He found the right girl a few times, but was always too cautious with them. He thought that Sara could have been one of the right girls too, he still thought it. There had been girls after Sara, but none of them looked liked her, reacted like her, or seemed to fit like she did.

She would slightly squint her eyes and smile at him while he talked to her. He could see her focus on his words and he could see her care about them. He never liked the sound of his own voice, but that night with her, he talked just to see that look on her face. He made jokes he would never make to hear her laugh. Jokes he would only let live in his head for his own smiles. In that one night and morning she brought out the man that was in his head and he never went all the way back in.

There was a coffee shop. It was early for her and late for him. She was set up in a corner. A coffee, a book and music lightly playing over the speakers that wouldn’t be part of anyone’s generation, music she didn’t recognize from her youth or the radio. It was nice.

Robert’s truck was playing classic rock as it pulled into the coffee shop parking lot.

“Damn.” He said to himself while looking at the drive-through line.

It was busy and he was running late. He sucked hard on the mint in his mouth and decided to go in, instead of waiting in line.

Her face was in the book and his eyes were on the cute young barista. They didn’t see each other. He ordered his coffee and waited to the side for his name to be called. Her eyes stayed in the book and her body stayed in the corner. He looked around some, but mostly at his watch.

“Robert.”

Sara looked up and saw a man from behind that wasn’t her Robert. It was a man with lighter hair and a thicker waist. She looked back down at her book, a little sad and tried to find her place.

Robert took a drink and thanked the cute young barista, they shared a fake smile.

He saw her and it caused his feet to trip over nothing.

“Sara?”

She looked up and it was her Robert, “Robert?”

There was small talk, the cautious kind of talk that is supposed to die off with your age. They both liked each other still, but they both didn’t want to make a mess of this second chance.

For too long Robert forgot he was running late and only the habit of checking his watch reminded him.

“Oh shit, I’m late.”

“I’m sorry.” She didn’t want to be clingy, “Go. It was nice seeing you again.”

“No, it’s okay. I can be late.”

A part of her was happy, a part of her felt guilty, and a part of her made sure she said, “Are you sure? You can go, I don’t want you missing anything important.

She said it in the most honest voice that a lie has ever been told.

He took it as a man would take it, “Oh, okay, but it’s not really all that important. It’s okay. I can miss this.”

“No, go. It’s just me.”

“I’ll call you.”

“You still have my number?” She tried to hide her excitement and she did hide it from him, he took it as her thinking he was creepy.

“Yeah, I think so…”

It turned bad quickly and the conversation became more awkward. They said goodbye and each promised to see the other one soon. He made it three steps before his brain over thought the situation, over analyzed every word said, and eventually gave up. The man he was in his head took over and turned back around, took three steps and sat down next to a surprised Sara and put his hand on her thigh. He told her that he thought about her often and she was the most important thing to him right now and kissed her. His breath was layers of mint and coffee and it reminded her of Dave. It reminded her of all the anonymous sex she had. It reminded her of all the tender-less men. It reminded her of her ex-husband. She pulled away from Robert out of reflex to these thoughts.

“Sorry.”

She quickly collected her things and walked with quick steps out embarrassed; as he sat there feeling like everyone was looking at him.

They were.

He felt bad. He felt like he ruined this again. He called to apologize a few days later. She didn’t answer. He didn’t leave a voicemail.

Sara didn’t call back. She was too afraid, still too embarrassed. She let herself get in her own way and lost a chance at something.

Robert moved on.

Sara bought a cat and named it Bob.