Their hugs would last for more than a breath. They each used both their arms and would let go slowly, slightly scratching the other’s back, and he would sometimes kiss her on the cheek. They were falling in love. It would be nice if it was simple. Love sometimes is, but with her it was complicated. She was beginning to feel torn. There was the guy she would hug, more hold than hug, for so long her hoodie would steal his scent. Then there was the guy she would kiss; the one she’d been with for a while. The one she thought for so long was the one.

She felt horrible and couldn’t do the easy thing, because there was no easy thing to be done. She couldn’t just leave Mitchell and she couldn’t stop her feelings for Michael even though she tried. He knew she tried and would compliment her more, make her feel special. Play with her hair the way she liked, the way Mitchell never could. She shouldn’t let him do things like that, but he just did them. He wanted her and made her feel like he needed her. Part of her hated him for making things complicated. She had no one to confide in. She’d been with Mitch for so long all their friends blended together and she had no one to herself, no one but Mikey. Maybe it was because he was new, and that meant that it would go away. She liked the feeling though, and wished that Mitchell would make her feel like that again. If he could just still make her feel special everything would be okay. Things would be simple.

Mikey was cute and could be the sweetest. He smelled good and maybe that’s why she hung onto him for so long. Mitchell smelled good too, but Mikey smelled like a man while Mitch still smelled like the boy from high school. One year she just noticed him in the halls, he liked her forever before that and everything was perfect. They never fought. She wanted to fight with him though. He wouldn’t take a side that wasn’t hers. Mike would fight with her, he’d disagree and tell her why she was wrong. He could be an asshole, but at least he had an opinion. It was her fault too, she wouldn’t fight with Mitch either. He was just so sensitive and one disagreement would ruin the entire time they were together. A disagreement with Michael would widen his brown eyes and heighten his voice a little bit. It would make him cuter. It would make the time together better. It was okay that she didn’t agree with everything he said, as long as she had a good reason to. Mikey believed everyone should be passionate about the things they believe in. That was such a change to Mitch’s laid-backness.

Why couldn’t Mike just kiss her and make this simple? Then she could tell Mitch what happened and he would get mad, show some emotion, maybe make her feel special again or break up with her and she could be with Mikey. She gave him plenty of chances. He just wouldn’t take them. He would just smile at her with his smirk and ask her if she was still being followed around by her little dog. He did follow her around like a little dog. Mikey would ask how she could respect him and she didn’t know anymore.

She went to Mikey’s place without telling anyone, it wasn’t the first time but she felt guilty about doing it so much. Three times now. He answered the door with that smirk and she could feel herself melt a little, even though it was freezing and she was wearing those shorts he liked. She hugged him and he kissed her on the cheek. He smelled like a shower and she thought about how nice it would have been to be in there with him.

“Hey legs, you should have worn pants, it’s cold.”

She was glad he noticed, and just gave him a shoulder shrug to explain why.

“Here let me help.”

He grabbed the throw from the couch, and when she sat down, he rubbed her legs warm with it. It felt nice. Nicer when he got to her thighs. She gave him another chance to kiss her but he didn’t take it.

“Want a cup of coffee to warm you up? I’m having one.”

“No, but thank you.”

“Hot cocoa then?”

“Yes! please.”

“Marshmallows?”

“Yes, melted in and then more added on top please!” She made sure she said this extra cute so she would get what she wanted.

“Made with milk so I can’t use my fancy-single-cup-coffee-machine-thingy, right?”

“If it’s not too much trouble…” She said it sadly to get what she wanted.

“You’re never a problem love.”

She pretended that he didn’t call every girl that. Soon the coffee and the cocoa was done. He even put whipped cream on top of it with a cinnamon stick to stir it up. She held hers with both hands close to her body to warm her. He took a sip of his coffee and put it on the end table. He started to play with her hair, but the hair close to her neck, was this his move? She leaned into him a bit, but then thought of Mitchell and pulled back a little. Mikey kissed her anyway. His mouth was warm from the coffee like his hand on her thigh. This was wrong, and at first she didn’t kiss back, but after he bit her lip she couldn’t help it. They did what lovers do, and his mouth felt hot all over her body. She felt bad about it in a good and bad way. Two hours later she left his house spent and sore.

She had dinner tonight with Mitchell and the families. She would tell him tomorrow. This dinner was special because it was to celebrate the end of final exams. She and Mitchell were strangely silent at dinner— did he know? Her dad kept smiling at her and her mom looked teary eyed. Maybe it was because this place was a little more fancy than usual.

Then it hit her. This couldn’t be happening.

Mitchell looked her in the eyes, took a deep breath and a knee, “Chloe, your friendship, your love, you have made me live just as much as breathing has. You’ve made these years with you short. A series of perfect moments that could never last long enough. Growing old with you will take no time. Please, will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

She felt sick, she felt special; she felt so many things. She couldn’t believe she said yes, but then what else could she do? Mitch did nothing wrong. The next day she went to tell Michael. She showed him the ring and told him she said yes. He slipped it off her finger, put it on his kitchen’s bar and kissed her hard, with passion and with satisfaction. She let it happen again. Then again.

She was living two lives and hating herself for liking it so much. She should feel worse though. She was the one calling Mikey now. It was like he was losing interest, like she was just becoming a side piece. Mikey told her he was afraid to text or call her, because she was around Mitch so much more now while planning everything and she believed him. She couldn’t let go of him though, and to spend more time with him she halfway moved in. She kept her shampoo and body wash there so he could wash the scent of him and sex off her. He washed her slow, rinsing then kissing every bit of her. She’d eventually have to kick him out of the shower and wash the sex off herself.

Somewhere she stopped caring about Mitchell, and was mad at him for not figuring her out. How could she stop everything that was in motion? She didn’t want to be a bad person, she didn’t want to ruin Mitch so she didn’t. She said “I do” and went months without Michael, almost a year. She went over one day out of weakness and found her stuff still in the shower. She didn’t know that her stuff spent much of the last year under the bathroom sink, while other girls moved halfway in and most of them all the way out. It was easy for Mike to find someone to love and that crushed her. She hated herself for going back to Mike and it not being the love story she wanted; not the scene to justify her cheating. She felt horrible for all the things she’s done to Mitchell. She had to end this and she did it slowly. Seeing him less and less till one day she didn’t need him anymore, and she loved Mitchell as much as she could. He gave her a child and provided for them both. She respected him again. Their marriage was a series of perfect moments, one more baby and then grandkids, travel and old age. He died without ever knowing about Mike. He died thinking he had the perfect wife and truly found what everyone searches for, and what all the books and songs are about: true, everlasting, unwavering love. She died a better woman because of Michael, surrounded by her children and grandchildren. She died happy, still in love with Mitch, not torn and not one thought about Mikey.