She had coffee stained breath and the bitterness of it smelled sweet to him. This was the mornings. She would wake up before him, get the coffee started and have a cup before laying back in bed with him. Since she needed the caffeine to deal with him. She loved him and he wasn’t trouble, but he spoke in half-sentences and without the energy she couldn’t keep up. He was on medicine now, a methamphetamine, to help his mouth keep up with his mind. It helped a little, but he still wore a sad face because the world couldn’t keep up. Her name was Valerie and she could keep up most of the time. His name was Adam and he was a genius, though his wealth of knowledge wasn’t worth a damn.

She would wake him with kisses or something more. Their love was so saccharine it would hurt the back of some people’s throat and left a bad taste in one girl’s mouth. She wanted Adam and didn’t make a secret of it to him, but he did keep it from Val. Soon it felt forbidden and Adam felt like a prize to be won, something most men can go a lifetime without feeling— especially if that man can fix your computer. It happened and now he was in love with the new girl. The break up happened over the phone, after Adam took all his clothes from the apartment they shared. Luckily, it was only in her name.

He did it while she was at work.

A job that supported them both.

Valerie was crushed; her universe dented.

The new girl’s name was Tiffany and she wouldn’t support Adam; she pushed him away from his art. He was a photographer and always looked picture perfect with Valerie. It wasn’t the same with Tiffany, she demanded too much of him and wanted too much from him, he even sold some of his lenses to buy her a purse worth more money than would ever be kept in it. With no skills he became a cook and Tiffany was on a diet. He would come home smelling like fry oil, cheese sticks and half-pound burgers and went to bed smelling like dry blood, sweat, and sex. For a while it worked out, but it wasn’t like it was with Val. Tiffany loved Adam, but she loved being in the relationship more. She loved the things he would do for her: massage her, find socks for her cold feet, rub her feet; he always made sure she was sated. He could care and love like an artist, Tiffany never had a guy care for her like that. Adam had more empathy than most, it made him fragile, but Tiffany still treated him like the other guys she had before him.

Tiffany was a self-proclaimed artist since no one else would call her that, she worked in creative spurts and didn’t take it seriously. The work was lackluster and decorated her mother’s and sister’s houses like they where refrigerator doors; the artwork a B+. She could paint, she had the skills, she just didn’t have taste or a good eye to edit with. The few friends Adam had left after the split wouldn’t take to Tiffany so they had to go. It was just Adam and Tiffany, no one else, so they smothered each other and any fire that was in their relationship. It went on out of comfort until some guys noticed the slimmer, fitter Tiffany and she was a prize to be won.

Adam was already out of love with her when it ended, but he had no where to go that felt safe anymore. He got out of his parent’s place as quickly as he could, it felt loveless and controlling. He had no friends to reach out to, or to stay with, so he took the contents of his medicine cabinet. He woke up somewhere he couldn’t talk his way out of, a hospital where he was put with violent people and druggies trying to get clean. He was there for seven days and only his parents visited him. His father showed emotion and his mother wasn’t intimidating. He got out of there quickly and got the help he needed, a psychologist and more medications. His parent’s changed when he went back home, they looked after him like they never did. He liked his new parents and wondered if they always had this compassion they were showing him. Adam contemplated that for the first few weeks until he forgot what they were like before— maybe they’ve always been kind.

Months later, the breeze barely lifted the hair on Adam’s arm. Autumn was coming and he didn’t miss Tiffany. He made most of his friends back the same way he lost them, one by one. It’d been five years since he left Val, she had moved on and moved out of the state. Autumn reminded him of her, a yearly quarter-year reminder that he messed up and let the right one get away. He hated himself for it, but was happy for her. She called him up when she got the ring and her voice sounded sad. He knew he could have stopped her but he didn’t, he didn’t deserve her and now she was gone forever— three states over and on a completely different beach. Adam hoped she was happy, he was happy with the new man he’d become and wished he would have gotten medicated years before. Maybe then he and Val could have worked out. He smiled at the thought as he made the coffee.

His phone vibrated. It was a message from the only number he had ever memorized: Val’s.

“Hey…”

He pecked out, “Go away, you’re married now.”

He put the phone back in his pocket feeling proud, stupid and sad.

His phone vibrated again, and in a few months he was smelling the sweet scent of coffee on her breath as she learned to trust him again.