FADE IN:

INT. A MESSY LIVING ROOM - DAY

JAKOB and SCOTT sit throwing a football to each other

SCOTT
So you and Kim?

JAKOB
Nope, didn’t happen

NOAH ENTERS WITH THREE BEERS. HANDS THEM OUT.

SCOTT
So you and Kim?

JAKOB
Maybe.

NOAH
You over Tiff already?

JAKOB
Don’t say her name. She’s not special. She is just an ex girlfriend. That is all she is and all she will ever be.

NOAH
Don’t be that guy. Four years mean something.

JAKOB
It means I wasted some of my youth.

NOAH
Really? You’re going to be that guy?

SCOTT
(To NOAH)
Shut up.
(To JAKOB)
Don’t let him talk you into being a pussy. Let me talk you into pussy. Kim’s hot. Blonde now too.

NOAH
Blonde?

JAKOB
Blonde.

NOAH
Look good on her?

JAKOB
Looks great with her breast.

SCOTT
Her breast?

JAKOB
Yeah, theres something about her that makes me forget about my ex, I think it’s her breast.

NOAH
Tits? The things that don’t go into tight jeans? I thought you were an ass man?

JAKOB
People change.

SCOTT
You don’t believe in that.

NOAH
You’re Mister people can’t change.

JAKOB
I was wrong.

SCOTT
Wrong?

JAKOB
Yeah.

NOAH
Did you really just say those words?

SCOTT
Did you find god too? Did clouds part? Did trumpets play? Does god have a nice rack is what I’m asking.
(Throws the football to JAKOB)
Rack

JAKOB
Knockers
(Throws football to NOAH)

NOAH
Tits

SCOTT
Sweater puppies
(Everyone half bows to SCOTT)

JAKOB
Epic man. Sweater puppies. Dude… Ep-tits. Epic tits
(Everyone full bows)

NOAH
I’m out of names for breast. I got nothing.
(NOAH gets hit in the face with the football) Uncalled for!

JAKOB
Judge he broke the chain and forgot the word boobs.

SCOTT
Totally called for.
(Looks at JAKOB wiggling a half-empty beer)
Also you must get up and get the next round.

NOAH
Objection, I’m one hundred precent comfortable right now

JAKOB
Your honor! I hit him in the face with a fucking football just a moment ago. There is no way he is one hundred precent comfortable right now.

SCOTT
I’ve heard both sides and rule in the favor of Noah getting us beer.

NOAH
I’m not getting the beers. I got these.

JAKOB
Judge, permission to treat the defendant as a hostile little bitch.

SCOTT
Granted.

NOAH
Fine.
(JAKOB and SCOTT chug the rest of their beer and drop them to the ground.)

NOAH EXITS

SCOTT
So you and Kim?

JAKOB
Yeah. It happened.

FADE TO BLACK.